"Why do you believe you're not good enough?" she asked.
"My initial reaction was: really? Are you getting that from my story? I was completely unaware of that."
Often, this feeling arises without knowing its origin, without understanding what triggered the creation of this self-image. The realization of "not being good enough" truly hit me when I experienced a burn-out and my body was forced to rest. It didn't feel good, but deep down, I knew it was necessary to go deeper within.
The source of this feeling varies from person to person. It often arises from moments in life where you have felt very small and vulnerable. The belief that others are better makes you think you're not good enough. From that moment on the "journey" of not feeling good enough begins, where you constantly strive to match others to create a positive self-image.
You feel unworthy, always less than others, which can lead you to feel rejected and excluded. In your eyes, someone else always does better, and no matter how hard you try, a compliment seems far away. You have already decided for yourself that you are "not good enough". Therefore, it doesn’t matter where these situations occur, both professionally and personally, the feeling continues to haunt you.
I frequently experienced situations where I was confronted with low self-esteem and perfectionistic behavior, without knowing the underlying cause. I tried talking about it and decided to approach it differently next time. But with each repetition of the situation, the same feeling insinuated itself once more.
People who feel not good enough often push themselves to the limit, but there is no stop button. They constantly try to escape that feeling. At the same time, they often strive to show others how good they are, while constantly seeking validation from others, hoping to feel better about themselves. This can have a major impact on their relationships and work. It can also lead to negative thoughts and feelings, making it difficult to be satisfied with oneself.
In my case, the feeling of "not good enough" manifested itself in a need for validation, aiming for others to notice me and express appreciation towards me. The validation I had longed for. In this way, your self-worth becomes dependent on the approval of others. You seek external validation to feel good about yourself. However, true self-worth begins from within.
Often people think they are the only ones who feel not good enough, I used to think that too. The most important thing is to realize that the feeling of "not good enough" does not define you. This feeling often arises from low self-confidence and is a shared experience; you are not unique in this.
You can try to discover where this feeling comes from and what its cause is. Sometimes it lies deep in the subconscious and requires patience and effort to access it. Nonetheless, it is valuable to understand how this feeling came about. Unfortunately, insight into the cause is not a miracle cure. It will be a challenge that requires patience, attention, and awareness to eventually heal and let go whenever you are ready for it.
Recently, I learned what caused the feeling in me. This allows me to give it a place and understand myself better when the feeling arises again. By looking at myself lovingly, I feel more compassion for myself and for the situations I find myself in.
This insight didn't come by itself. Last year, during my period of rest, I reconnected with my friend Astrid. She advised me to start meditating because of my situation. She talked about different meditation techniques, but I preferred Primordial Sound Meditation (PSM). Luckily, she is a PSM teacher and guided me through the whole process. When I started meditating, I gained deeper insights. By being aware of this limiting belief, with her help and support, I was able to feel, heal, and let go of the events in a healthy way.
"In the end people will judge you anyway.
So don’t live your life impressing others – live your life impressing yourself."
- Eunice Camacho Infante -
Let's effortlessly follow the path to self-esteem, independent of external validation, but driven by love and compassion: The Effortless Movement.